Invader Imposter
by DanniB
Summary: When Zim makes a robot clone of himself to send to skool anything can go wrong
1. Default Chapter

Invader Imposter ~ By DanniB ~ chapter 1  
  
All Invader Zim characters are (c) Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon   
  
  
Papers passed to every desk, as each one landed the resulting smile or frown reflected the grades each student had received on their test. The reigning number of frowns filled Miss Bitters with delight.  
  
"It seems that the majority of you children have met my expectations," she hissed "You failed miserably."   
  
The serpentine teacher finished passing out the remaining papers for the first row of seats. She frowned bluntly slapping an "A" paper onto the desk of the dark haired, trench coated, glasses wearing boy in the front seat of the far- left row.  
  
"You got lucky Dib." She spat before slithering to the next row. Dib crossed his arms proudly, another "A". He smiled to himself as he thought of how wonderful it was to be such a genius. His silent revelry was interrupted by a barrage of crumpled up failed test papers popping him in the back of his large head. He slunk back down into his seat rolling his eyes at his peers. He couldn't help it that he paid more attention in class then they did, he had always been very observant, noticing things the other students didn't, like a fact on a test or... other things that took a little more explaining. An example of these other things laughed as another paper ball made contact with Dib's head.   
  
"Stupid smart boy." The green skinned oddity mocked.  
  
Dib sighed, and decided to ignore Zim's obliviously oxymoronic remark. Zim folded his gloved hands on top his desk, personally rejoicing in Dib's disrespected nerdyness. A human boy so deluded with the thought he was a genius but still unable to get even close to exposing the truth. Simple human ignorance remained Zim's shield, as long as people remained stupid oblivious beasts he was in no fear of being exposed as an alien.   
  
The feeling of superiority suddenly snapped short as Ms Bitters shoved a paper on Zim's desk. His test paper, covered with his poor handwriting, pencil marks, teacher's marks in red pen, and all topped off with a large red "F" on the top.  
  
"You failed Zim!" Ms. Bitters announced rather loudly. "None of your answers where even close to being right."   
  
Dib retook his prideful pose, this time kicking his feet up onto his desk, and made a snide remark that made it seem like he had been reading Zim's mind just a few seconds before.   
  
"So who's the superior being now Zim?"   
  
Zim snarled under his breath and eyed his paper. A big gaping zero stared back at him as his score. So he failed his history test, so what? He had no interest in the events that had passed on a planet he didn't care about.   
  
"I have no need to learn pathetic EARTH history." He stated strongly.   
  
"I'm sorry you feel that way Zim," Ms. Bitters replied, "If you paid more attention to history it may help prevent you from making the same mistakes over and over," she paused for dramatic effect, "like your last tests!"   
  
The grim reminder of all the tests that Zim had failed proved the morbid teacher's point. She slid from Zim's desk and addressed the class.   
  
"So you see children, if we do not learn from the past we are doomed to repeat it. Doomed, Doomed, DOOMED!" the familiar monotonic doom saying droned though the room then broke upon the sound of the dismissal bell. The students cheered and rushed to leave zipping by Zim's desk as he remained looking over his test. The more he looked over his answers, (all of which were guesses, poor ones at that) the more frustrated and enraged he became. There was nothing he had to gain from learning about England's industrial revolution. It wasn't even a real revolution, just some inferior inventions that some humans made. Even in Earth's modern age he was more advanced then they were. It made him furious, so much human inferiority and HE was the one made to look like a fool in front of them. He hated the school and everything in it. If it weren't so vital to his mission that he learn about the ways of Earth he would incinerate this learning facility at the drop of a hat.   
  
"You had better find a way to bring up your grades Zim," Ms. Bitters declared "or there will be dire consequences."   
  
"Don't be too hard on him Miss Bitters," Dib smiled as he headed for the door. "It's only natural that an ALIEN wouldn't know bunk about Earth history."   
  
"I know history, Dib." Zim sneered, trying his best to negate his rival's comment about being an extra-terrestrial.  
  
"Oh yeah, When was the Declaration of Independence signed?" Dib challenged confidently, and confidence rising as he witnessed Zim's expression fade to blank.   
  
"In the...morning?" Stupid, stupid answer, Zim cringed upon saying it, cringed even more as Dib snorted a triumphant laugh.   
  
"You could have known the answer if you had been paying attention in class." Once again the dark mistress of the teaching staff was in the Irken's face making sure he was very aware of his failure. "The only thing more disgusting then your lack of interest in your schoolwork are your constant absences from school altogether."   
  
She was right, Zim had missed many days of school due to the requirements of his mission.   
  
"I'm not absent that often." Zim denied, hiding his nervousness behind his furrowed brow and serious eyes glaring back at the teacher's challengingly.   
  
"You were missing last Thursday, counting that you've been absent seven times... this month!"   
  
Dib Smirked,  
"He was probably doing alien things."   
  
"I was out sick, smugly nerd boy." Zim protested.  
  
"You've certainly been out 'sick' a lot. Let me guess, is it related to your 'skin condition'?"   
  
"Uh yes, ... it is."  
  
Ms. Bitters interrupted the argument,  
  
"What ever the reason Zim, it's effecting your grades. Now either you start paying attention and make up for your missed classes or you fail this class and get sent to summer school!"   
  
Zim hopped from his seat and gathered his things. He has no more to say on the subject; he was out of excuses. This was a matter to be thought about on the walk home. The silence he required to think though was quickly unavailable as Dib started to walk along with him to provide some extra torment.  
  
"Looks like you've got yourself in a bind now huh Zim?" He cheerfully pointed out.  
  
"I have no worries about this," Zim retorted calmly "I've gotten my way out of far worse situations then tests and school... things. I'll simply use my superior intelligence to memorize all those useless facts and ace the next..." he paused to put a low sneer in his voice "test."   
  
Dib wasn't impressed with Zim's flair for the dramatics. He leaned up against the wall, crossed his skinny arms and smiled.  
  
"What about your attendance?" he reminded. "Sooner or later your alien business is going to pop up and keep you from coming to class. And what then? Someone's going to notice and look into your 'sick days' and it won't be long after that until your secret will be out and you become the dissection de jour in a government lab."   
  
"It's not going to come to that Dib, I will find a way around this meager attendance problem and conquer it just as I will conquer this insipid planet!"  
  
More with the dramatics and Dib still was unfazed. He dashed out ahead of his foe and flashed a menacing grin.   
  
"Face facts Zim, not even an alien can be in two places at once." He skipped off laughing with the impression that he had won their little argument. Zim gritted his zipper-like teeth, he HATED Dib when he was right.  
  
"'Not even an alien can be in two places at once'." He mimicked mockingly. "Stupid Dib, if I could be in two places at once I'd be..." he paused as a wonderfully devious idea flowed into his brain. He smiled evilly. "... Genius!"   



	2. Zim's brilliant plan

G.I.R.'s eyes froze ahead of him, focused intently. Glass reflecting glass. A little light shining between them changing every few seconds. A melee of colors and sounds stimulating the small robot. The sounds from the wide screen overshadowed by tiny metallic laughter. The high pitched hollow giggles were a common sound in Zim's living room whenever the "Scary Monkey Show" was on. Between fits of laughter the little info unit slurped some cherry cola through a colorful bendy straw causing a loud bubbling suction sound as the can reached being empty. Seeing he was out of soda and that the TV was showing a boring commercial, GIR hopped from the couch and skipped to the kitchen to dispose of the can. He stepped on the lever that opened the trashcan and with a squeaky grunt he leaped up to the opening to toss in his rubbish. Forgetting that it wasn't a real trashcan he leaned forward and accidentally fell into the transport tube leading to the underground lab where his master had been toiling away all afternoon.  
  
Zim didn't waste a second. From the moment he had come home from school he had been down in his lab measuring one thing, welding another, making precise calculations that would contribute to his plan. Oh what a plan it was, a brilliant plan swelling the pride of this already ego-strong irken. He was pleased how quickly his designs came together. It was perfect, a few more adjustments and it would be done, his greatest achievement yet. He fastened a few wires inside the casing of his project as the joyful squealing of his robot companion broke the silence. GIR fell to the ground with a usual and familiar clank. He quickly regained himself, shook off the shock as part of the fun of falling and took up his quest again to find something to do with his empty soda can. Zim, ignoring GIR's intrusion, he had gotten used to them by now, continued to connect wires inside his large mechanical work. It was a robot, the size of himself, in fact size wasn't the only similarity the android had with its creator.   
  
Its arms dangled ahead of its hunched over body as Zim worked on its back. Its legs stood firmly holding itself up on black booted feet. Clad in standard striped invader uniform, over artificial skin toned lime-jade. Its relaxed face pointed slightly downward with closed eyes in suspended slumber.  
  
Zim had taken no chanced with this one, every detail matched perfectly, it was almost frightening. If the robot hadn't been donned with the Black wig and lavender-blue contacts of its creator's earthling masquerade the two may have been indistinguishable.  
  
GIR skipped through the enclosure hugging his empty soda can close to his chest. Scooting by his master's work station he paused before the robot Zim, smiled and chirped,  
"Hi master!" A few skips ahead, less then a foot, GIR spotted the real Zim of flesh and blood.  
"Hi master!"  
  
The tiny I. R.U. continued on its way nonchalantly humming his doom song. After traveling another two feet he snapped to a stop, his little antenna recoiling as the information suddenly hit his computerized brain. He zipped around and looked at the two Zims standing before him. He looked up at one, alien form, diligently soldering some circuits into the back of the other, human form, standing still and silent. Back at the first, then the second, first, second, back, forth, one, the other. He tried to make sense out of it but with his limited capacity for thought he couldn't. Instead he frowned, pouted his lip, and cried loudly.  
  
"What is the problem GIR?" Zim turned to the tiny thing narrowing his red eyes; annoyed he was being distracted from his work by his partner's incessant wailing.   
  
GIR Sniffled and pointed,  
"You're over here, but you're also over there. But you're over here and you're there and I'm here but you're there and here but there and here and there... and here... and there... and... I'm confused!" He gazed down at the empty can he was still clinging to, now crushed slightly. "And we're out of soda."   
  
Zim sighed and closed the back hatch on the robo-Zim, uprighted it, and turned it so GIR could get a better look.  
  
"This, GIR," He began "Is the answer to my attendance problem at skool. It's a Robot Clone designed to look like me in my human disguise right down the very last detail. I have programmed it to learn and adapt to the countless situations it may encounter while doing its job. Now when ever own mission requires me to skip skool, I can send the decoy in my place and none will be the wiser." He cackled under his breath with pride. "It's brilliant. I'm almost surprised I didn't think of this sooner." He faced his creation like some kind of twisted mirror, "If this works I may never need to go to that accursed skool ever again."   
  
"Yay!" GIR shouted joyfully "Then we can watch daytime soaps together!"   
  
Zim rolled his eyes, "Observe GIR, and maybe you'll learn something." He cleared his throat and shouted with assertiveness, "Decoy, activate!"   
  
The artificial Zim springed straight up to a pose of attention, it's eyes snapping open as it saluted.   
  
"Invader decoy activated" It responded, its voice identical to the one giving its commands.  
  
"Decoy, state you mission." Zim ordered. The decoy remained straight standing and unemotional as it answered.   
  
"My mission is to pose as Zim at skool, to assimilate data from class, and to interact with the humans in order to dissuade any suspicions that Zim is an alien."  
  
Zim beamed, "Perfect" His smile stretched as the next step in his plan came to life. The robot was functional, it looked and sounded just like him, and it's programming would make sure it could calculate its way out of any situation.   
  
"Those foolish humans at school will have no idea that I've replaced myself. This plan is flawless, the decoy will take the information it learns and relay it to me so I may use it to continue my mission to undermine this planet." He chuckled again "and if faced with another one of those..." he paused with disgust "tests, the decoy can easily pass it with the information it can store in its head."  
  
"My head is full of jellybeans" GIR interjected.  
  
Zim ignored the comment; his artificial equivalent moved its eyes to look at GIR. Its scanner screen analyzed its fellow robot.  
  
[Analyzing: Information Unit G-I-R]  
[Prognosis: - - - Comical]  
  
"Pay attention decoy!" Zim snapped, regaining the robot's focus. "I'm sending you on a test run. For the next few days you will be going to school. You will assimilate the daily lessons, interact with the students, and report back to me with your findings. Do you understand?"  
  
"Sir yes sir!" It shouted back.  
  
"Yes," the alien smiled "now go, go my decoy, go forth and begin your mission." He pointed and laughed deeply as the decoy turned and marched for the exit head held high copying its master's prideful stance. All pride dissipated though as the robot clone tripped over a pipe lying across the floor and landed with a clunk flat on its face. Zim stared wide-eyed in disappointment as the android, instead of trying to right itself, continued to lay on the ground kicking its legs in the air in a continuos walking motion.   
He sighed thoughtfully;  
  
"Perhaps there are a few bugs to work out of its system."  
  
GIR squealed jubilantly and ran across the floor purposely tripping himself over the pipe. He lay face down on the ground flailing his legs wildly.  
  
"Wheeeeeee! I like bugs." He giggled.  
  
  
  
The next morning the sun was shining brilliantly foreshadowing a potentially perfect day. A chilled wind blew passed as the front door to Zim's house creaked open. Standing in the doorway waiting patiently was his decoy, eyes wide open, motionless. Zim stood behind it proudly.  
  
"Ready decoy?" He asked  
  
"Sir yes, sir!" It shouted back strongly.  
  
"Good" Zim smiled "Now remember your mission and make sure you take in every bit of useful information."  
  
"Sir, yes sir!" It repeated. Then it took movement, walking confidently out the door down the walkway between the lawn gnomes and stopping outside the wooden fence to turn and head down the sidewalk in the direction of the school. Zim was very confident that this plan could not fail.  
  
"Bye, bye, have fun." He shouted out the door playfully mimicking a parent sending their child off to school. The decoy took a second to register this command, then it smiled a small smile as it continued on its way.  
  



	3. Decoy's first day

Children packed into their desks and prepared themselves for another day of school. Ms Bitters loomed over them as they took their seats preparing herself for another day of having to teach the little wretches, each one of them, she observed, doomed to failure.   
  
After most of the kids had settled, Zim silently entered the classroom. Robotic eyes scanned the room analyzing the surroundings and students. Dib glared at the green one with his usual gleam of hate. Just as Zim had predicted, nobody noticed that this figure standing before them was the decoy.   
  
"So you decided to show yourself after your dreadful failure yesterday." Bitters address the imposter. "Let's hope you keep it in mind during today's lesson."   
  
"Yes Ms Bitters." It responded alertly, standing straight, remaining motionless before the teacher awaiting a new command.   
  
Ms. Bitters looked questionably at Zim as he stood there, his lack of movement to his desk quickly annoying her.  
  
"Take your seat Zim." She commanded.  
  
The decoy turned its head where the teacher had pointed; Zim's empty desk in the far right corner of the first row. It turned back with a quizzical look on its face.  
  
"Where Ms Bitters?" it asked.  
  
"Excuse me?" She snapped slightly befuddled.  
  
"My desk, where shall I take it?"   
  
A few childish giggles rose from the class as the decoy smiled goofily awaiting an answer.  
  
Ms. Bitters was not amused, she would have yelled at Zim or made him feel some form of doom-laden punishment, but the bell had rung and there was a lesson to be taught. She would have to deal with him later.  
  
"Sit down Zim." She growled "This is no place for humor."   
  
"Yes ma'am." It turned and stepped lightly to the desk. Dib watched carefully and curiously as Zim sat and faced the front board in his usual fashion. Why would Zim make such a stupid remark, the boy wondered. Was he making some pathetic attempt to be funny? Whatever the reason, it wasn't getting the alien in Ms. Bitters' good graces, that is, if she had any to begin with.  
  
"Now today children," the ancient educator began while writing on the black board. "We will be learning math with fractions, and don't go telling me that you don't need to because you have computers. One day all the computers in the world will fail to a terrible virus. And where will you be then? You'll all be doomed! So listen up while I teach you how to find the common denominator."  
  
She wrote a complex equation on the board. The class stared at the growing amount of mixed numbers surrounded with pluses, parenthesis, and division symbols. They all knew that this was far too advanced for their grade but not one would argue with the cold- hearted teacher that was writing it.   
Dib glanced over to Zim's desk and was surprised to see the E. T. focused steadfastly on the front board. Usually Zim never paid attention in math, he would always laugh and claim how inferior earth mathematics were and spend the rest of the lesson doodling in his in his notebook or playing with his pencil.   
Today was different and somewhat unusual. Not only was Zim paying attention to the utmost fullest, but he was taking notes as well. Every word the teacher said he recorded down on paper with impressive speed and accuracy. Making this feat even more surprising was that he didn't look down at his paper once! Dib couldn't believe his eyes; he removed his glasses and cleaned them just to be sure. Did this mean that there was something this "advanced" alien didn't know? Why else why would he be so interested? The junior paranormalist's thought was derailed when Ms. Bitters addressed the class.  
  
"Alright class," she began "If you have ten and three fifths times twenty tenths divided by six and four fifths equaling six thirtieths what is the lowest common denominator?"   
  
Dumbfounded, the class was silent. A collective thought of "what the hell?" filled all minds. One hand raised.  
  
"Yes Zim?" Bitters acknowledged.   
  
"The lowest common denominator is five."   
Silence, this time from shock, even Ms. Bitters was amazed.   
  
"That's... right Zim."  
  
The decoy smiled, his computerized brain enhanced with the best of irken computing technology had made the problem quick and easy. Ms. Bitters turned back to the board.  
  
"Why don't we see if you urchins can figure this one out."  
She scribbled another equation, screeching the chalk every few moments, then turning back to the class.  
  
"If you have twenty fiftieths and eight fourths times two point five, what is the common denominator?"   
  
Again only one black gloved hand raised.   
  
"Yes Zim."  
  
"The lowest common denominator is 2" The decoy answered calmly. He paused, "and the answer is 6."  
  
Bitters glanced back at the board, then looked back at the smiling green student amazed and slightly annoyed.   
  
"Right again Zim, but let's not get ahead of ourselves."  
  
"Yes ma'am." He answered back.  
  
"Well, it's nice to see that my words yesterday finally sank into your otherwise empty head and you've taken your studies seriously Zim." She turned to the rest of the class. "Now if only the rest of you could find that kind of enthusiasm there my be an actual chance, despite how small it may be, that you may be able to make something of yourselves."   
  
The children glared at Zim, some confused that he was getting all the answers right, others angry that he was making them look dumb. He looked back at them smiling; unaware he had upset them in some way. The real Zim would be happy to hear that his decoy had made him look smart in class. The smile widened, and none were more suspicious of it then Dib.   
  



	4. The rest of the day

Throughout the rest of the school day, Dib kept a watchful eye on Zim, observing his every action as the day rolled on. The boy was very confused as each moment made Zim's behavior appear stranger and stranger. That alien must have raised his hand more times that day then he had the entire school year before that, he observed.   
  
During lunch another unusual event happened; Zim had gone over to the popular kid's table and actually asked to sit with them!  
  
"Are you nuts? No Way!" They had yelled. Unfazed, he simply complied and found his usual empty table where he spent the rest of the lunch break staring at his plate.  
  
Dib sat next to Gaz as he usually did and tried to bring Zim's new behavior to her attention. She ignored him and continued playing her Game Slave trying to block out the sound of her brother's voice.  
  
Recess was another surprise waiting to happen. A few girls, probably in Gaz's grade, were playing jump rope by the fence when Zim approached them.   
  
  
The decoy scanned the playground looking for information to gather.  
  
ANALYZING: Monkey bars  
A few girls and boys were playing on it.  
  
PROGNOSIS: Occupied  
  
ANALYZING: Hand- ball court  
Two boys were smacking the yellow ball around.  
  
PROGNOSIS: Occupied  
  
ANALYZING: Dodge ball  
A boy got socked in the gut and fell to the floor doubled over in pain.  
  
PROGNOSIS: Dangerous   
The scanner landed on a pair of undergrade girls playing with a roped coated with plastic beads and a pink handle on each end. Intrigued, the decoy made his way over.  
  
"Hi." He smiled at the two girls.  
  
"Uh, hi?" The little blond one answered back sounding unsure.   
  
"Whatcha doing?" He inquired.  
  
"Playin' jump rope." The redhead said.  
  
"This jump rope..." his head cocked to one side "is it... fun?"   
The two girls looked at each other.  
  
"Yeah." They both said together  
  
"Can I play?" he smiled   
  
"Ummmmmm, ok."  
They handed the strange green boy one end of the handled rope while the redhead started swinging the other, the blond jumping over the middle each time it passed the ground.  
  
Dib watched from afar, could this really be happening? Was this really Zim playing jump rope with other children? And enjoying it? What was he up to? Was he trying to make friends? Trying to be popular? Why was he smiling like that? What was his plan? That smile, Zim never smiled like that. It wasn't like his usual smile, false plastered on his face whenever he was had to look happy. No, this smile was smaller, almost looking innocent and sweet. It was genuine and content, not scheming and evil, which made it even more evil. It meant Zim was happy about something, something only he knew about. What ever that thing was, Dib knew, it couldn't be good.  
  
*****^^^^^^*******  
  
GIR sat catatonic on the couch wearing his dog costume. The big white eyes glazed over engrossed in watching TV. The front door squeaked open gaining the robot's attention to the decoy of his master entering the house.  
  
"Hi!" GIR smiled  
  
"Hi!" The decoy smiled back.   
Zim entered the room from the kitchen.  
  
"Ah decoy, you're home." He greeted "How was your first day?"  
  
Decoy saluted and stated,  
"First day mission successful sir. All necessary information acquired."  
  
"Good," Zim said "report acquired data."  
  
"Sir, today we learned mathematics with fractions, sir, we learned about the invention of the steam engine, sir, we read chapter five in our text books sir."  
  
"Anything else?" Zim inquired.   
Decoy reached into his utility pack, pulled put a pink handled bead-covered rope and presented it to Zim smiling goofily.  
  
"Jump rope is fun!"  
  
Zim cocked his brow quizzically and looked at the rope in his double's hand.   
  
"Jump Rope?"  
  
"Yeah!" decoy beamed "wanna play?"   
Zim pushed decoy's hand down distastefully.   
  
"Uh, no." he said quietly then raised his voice to announce, "Seeing as how today's trial run was a success, we will be continuing this test run for the duration of the week."   
  
  
Decoy smiled broadly and hopped up onto the couch landing next to GIR.  
  
"Yippee!" he shouted with glee landing on the soft cushions "School is fun!"  
  
"I like fun." GIR agreed, taking the rope from decoy's hand and attempting to play with it.   
  
"No Decoy," Zim sighed "school is not fun. It is a vital part of my mission to attain knowledge about this planet. And it is your mission to gain that knowledge..."  
  
Decoy watched Zim as he paced across the living room floor, babbling on about the importance of the mission. The robotic clone was beginning to lose interest though despite his programming to always listen to his master. He glanced quickly over to the other end the couch where GIR was rolling around, tangled up in the jump rope, squeaking. GIR wasn't listening to Zim at all, he was too busy trying to figure out how to use that jump rope but ended up with it wrapped around his tiny body, so he remained content to rolling around in it instead. As he momentarily lay on his front, the false dog felt a hand touch his head, patting gently. Decoy was still watching Zim, but his hand had wandered over to GIR and was now scratching the pseudo- pup behind the ears.   
  
"...They say knowledge is power," Zim continued "so logically the more knowledge I gain, the closer I get to conquering this world..."   
  
GIR rolled his shoulders letting out a happy sigh. He liked getting his ears scratched, even if he really didn't have any under his costume. He closed his eyes letting his body feel the pleasurable massage peacefully, Zim's monologue quickly fading to the background.  
  
"...But since I cannot stand those human slug mammals I am relying on you to access this knowledge for me..."   
  
GIR yawned and rolled over letting decoy scratch his belly. Zim never gave him this kind of attention, never patted him on the head or scratched him behind the ear. It was a blissful change of pace causing him to forget that the Zim giving him this wonderful treatment wasn't the real one. He wagged his tongue and tail purring peacefully, snuggling closer to decoy's leg to cuddle.  
  
"... Now do you understand?" Zim finished.  
  
"Sir, yes sir!" Decoy shouted removing his hand from GIR to salute. GIR looked up rather annoyed to be shaken from his peace so rudely.   
  
"Alright then," Zim turned heading back to the kitchen. "I'll be in my lab completing my atomic soil analysis experiments."  
  
"Wait!" Decoy yelled pulling some papers from his utility pack. "We have spelling for homework!"  
  
Zim looked at the papers repulsed.  
  
"Spelling, BAH!" He scoffed "Repugnant busywork. I have no time for such time wasting ... wastiness."  
  
And with his final words he promptly flushed himself down the toilet.   
  



	5. Fear the change

The next day was to go on as the day before; Zim sent decoy to school while he remained behind to do his labwork. The class was getting settled just as before as Ms. Bitters watched uncaringly.   
  
Decoy entered the classroom with a smile on his face. He approached Ms. Bitters holding a shiny red fruit in his hand.  
  
"Good morning Miss Bitters, I have an apple for you." He presented his gift proudly to the teacher, her face showing annoyance and bewilderment.   
  
"Thank you Zim" she said half-heartedly "Now take your seat with the rest of the class!"   
  
"Yes ma'am." He did so quickly.   
  
"Be careful with that Ms. Bitters," Dib warned almost popping out of nowhere. "It could be poison, or some kind of alien bomb." He glanced at Zim with his hateful glare then faltered to confused disappointment when the alien did not glance back with the same expression. Instead he stared at the black board waiting for the daily lesson with a smile.  
  
Ms. Bitters calmly tossed the apple into the trash basket, not because of what Dib had said but because she had no need for an apple, especially one given to her with such disgusting sweetness.  
  
"You should learn to mind your own business Dib," she uttered with distaste "or else it may prove fatal one day."   
  
Dib cocked his eye and looked back at Zim who was still sitting, smiling.   
  
  
  
Around lunchtime Dib's curiosity had grown into an endless list of questions that obsessed him. He spewed out each and every one to his sister as he watched his foe from across the cafeteria.  
  
"It just isn't like him Gaz, why would his behavior change so drastically? He's up to something, I know it."  
  
Gaz peeked up from her Gameslave at her brother for a split second and sighed with disgust. Why must she have a brother who rambled on about the stupidest things, she wondered to herself as she zapped a few killer ninjas on her screen.  
  
"Maybe He's trying to bring up his grades." She suggested trying to appease her brother's ravenous curiosity.   
  
"Aliens don't care about grades," he stated "Zim has something planned, he wouldn't just start paying attention in class because the teacher told him to. No, he has to have some ulterior motive." He turned to Gaz leaning slightly. "Maybe he's trying to cover something up, trying to make himself seem innocent so no one suspects anything. I mean, he even gave in his homework this morning!"  
  
"OOOH Contact the media! Zim did his homework!" Gaz said with bursting sarcasm then snapped, "Gees Dib, nobody cares."   
  
"You should care," he retorted "What ever Zim has planned it may involve the entire school. This could be BIG!"  
  
"Whatever." She returned to her game.  
  
Over by the other end of the cafeteria a small boy carrying his lunch tray got tripped by one of the large burly bullies that were always picking on the weaker kids. The muscle headed boys laughed at the smaller child's misfortune and mash potato covered face.  
  
[ANALYZING: Bullies]  
[PROGNOSIS: Jerks]  
  
A black- gloved hand stretched downward toward the tripped classmate some help up.   
  
Dib gasped and dropped his fork as he bared witness to Zim helping a boy to his feet. Normally the alien would have simply pointed and laughed at another's pain, but today he was being helpful and cheerful and it sent a pang of fear through Dib's mind.  
  
"Did you see that?" He shouted to Gaz. "Zim would never help someone like that!"   
  
Gaz shook her head.  
  
"Maybe he wants to be nice for a change."  
  
Dib didn't respond, instead he stared at Zim as the alien made his way back to his lonely table to resume staring at the daily lunchroom cuisine without touching it once.   
  
"His behavior is so strange, he's acting normal, which for Zim isn't normal, so that's what makes it strange and not normal If he were acting normal he'd be acting strange which for Zim is normal but it's strange for us because we're normal except to Zim we're strange because he's strange but for him that's normal..."  
  
Dib continued to babble, annoying Gaz further to the point of distraction.  
  
"It's finally happened Dib, your brain has gotten so sick of listening to your mouth it's left your head completely."   
  
"I mean it Gaz," he insisted "I need to figure out why he's acting like this."  
  
Gaz sighed again and decided to humor her brother.  
  
"Maybe he was abducted by aliens and replaced with a clone."   
  
Dib jumped up smiling.  
  
"Hey yeah! Maybe..." He smacked his forehead with anger, embarrassment and frustration as reality sunk in, "He already IS an alien!!!"   
  
Gaz held back a chuckle, she loved it when Dib made himself look stupid. She smiled to herself and continued with her game.   
  
  
  
Children crowed around the amusements of the playground yelling and shouting in typical rowdy fashion. Dib lay against the brick wall organizing his thoughts. The questions jumbled in his brain. He glanced over to the monkey bars where Zim was swinging playfully by his arms, smiling. What was with that smile? It was so creepy and accompanied with a light cheerful giggle it made Dib shutter uncomfortably. He gathered his courage and calmly approached his nemesis.   
  
Decoy dangled from the monkey bars laughing giddily. He was having fun despite what his master has told him about school. Swinging lightly watching the gravel move beneath his swaying feet he smiled and glimpsed up catching sight of Dib coming towards him.  
  
"Ok Zim," Dib shouted "I am getting sick of this act you're putting on. I'm on to you so you may as well tell me; what are you doing?"  
  
Decoy looked around processing the question.  
  
"I'm playing on the monkey bars." He said.  
  
"No. I mean what are you planning?" Dib grunted angrily.   
  
Decoy swung his legs over the top bar of the metal structure and let himself dangle from his knees hanging his arms down letting gravity control them.   
  
"I was planning on going on the swings next."  
  
Dib growled with frustration, his patients at its end.   
  
"Don't play dumb with me Zim!" He yelled loudly "I know you have something up your sleeves!"   
  
Decoy inspected his arms.  
  
"I do?" he questioned.  
  
Dib faced the upside down Zim gritting his teeth, boiling with rage and hate.  
  
"You can end this charade Zim, I see right through your little ploy. I will know what you have planned, it's only a matter of time!"   
  
[ANALYZING: Dib]  
[PROGNOSIS: Head looks funny upside down]   
  
No snide retort, no insult to his species, no statement of denial or dread, just a smile. Dib froze with shock only his eyes could follow as Zim jumped down from the monkey bars and looked for something else to do.  
  
He was so calm, fearless, confident, a chilling horror to observe. Dib was completely thrown off by his enemy's reaction. He shock it off, the world was in danger and he needed to find out what that little green man had planned. Re-narrowing his eyes with determination, he pursued Zim.  
  
  
Decoy heard footsteps behind him getting closer, louder, faster. He turned and saw Dib following him as he made his way across the playground.   
  
Zim sped up upon seeing Dib behind him, but that didn't stop the boy from continuing the chase, he ran faster following the E. T. as he ducked around seesaws and under the slide. He would not give up, not until he knew exactly what Zim had arranged for the planet. By the time the two ran past the sandbox they were both running at full speed. With a furious leap Dib jumped onto Zim knocking them both down. Dib turned Zim to face him, holding the alien firmly by the shoulders, panting to catch his breath, sweat and sunlight gleaming off his glasses.  
  
  
"This is it Zim." Dib managed to yell as he panted. "You will tell me now! What are you planning? What are you thinking?! Tell Me!!!!!"   
  
A giggle. A tiny laugh was the response. It grew louder and longer into a chuckle then exploded into a fit of unstoppable laughter. Dib quickly released Zim's shoulders and recoiled in fear of the sound.  
  
"Why are you laughing?" He asked meekly " What, what's so funny?"  
  
More laughter, hardy and full, stabbing Dib to his very soul.  
  
"Stop that! What's so funny? Are you laughing at me? Why? Stop laughing! Why are you laughing?! Why are you laughing Zim?! What's so funny?!? What???!"   
  
The laughter stopped suddenly. Decoy got up, walked slowly to Dib, smiled, and thrust out his hands.  
  
Dib wanted to run but fear froze his feet to the ground, leaving him prey for his foe. His eyes widened as Zim crept up and firmly tapped the human's shoulders.   
  
"TAG!" Decoy yelled, "You're it!" he smiled and laughed as he ran across the field calling "Can't catch me!"   
  
"Can't catch me"? Was that a threat? A warning? A challenge? Dib stared as Zim ran away. The sound laughter ringing in his ears, that smile haunting him. It was so innocent looking, so cheery. Dib shuttered, that smile sent chills down his spine. A feeling of doom came over him, paranoia settled into his heart. That smile. He grasped his trench coat closed close to his chest, Pure fear. The rest of the world seemed to darken away as he watched his rival run away still wearing that smile.  
  



	6. Dib's discovery

The dismissal bell rang clearly allowing a flood of children to flow from its doors onto the street. Decoy gazed at the sky, such a wonderful blue it was today, not a cloud to be seen. He started skipping down the sidewalk towards the direction of his home where his master was waiting.  
  
Dib remained several feet behind in the shadows keeping a close eye on Zim. Gaz was to walk home alone today, which didn't bother her, she preferred it as she despised Dib's company. He had the plan thought out; he would follow Zim home, observe him, try to figure out what he was up to.  
  
Dib tried his best to be silent and stealthy, with the erratic way Zim had been behaving he dare not take a chance of getting caught, who knew what the alien might do to him. He watched from afar running every few feet then stopping to duck behind a bush or mailbox. He paused to watch Zim stop by a house with a white picket fence covered with winding vines and flower blossoms.  
  
Decoy admired the little pink flowers hanging delicately off the white fence. He leaned over, sniffed one, and continued home.   
  
Dib looked over the flower Zim had sniffed. It looked like all the flowers growing there. He stared ahead with confusion and continued following. As the home base of Zim neared, a brown white-spotted puppy wandered down the street. It yipped passing Zim and stopped to sniff his leg.  
  
Decoy smiled seeing the dog.  
  
"Hi puppy!" he said patting it gently on the head. The puppy barked and ran off as Decoy resumed skipping along the sidewalk whistling "Zippity doo da."   
  
Dib came into view from behind a lamppost. This was bizarre. Why would Zim bother to smell a flower, look at the sky, or pet a dog? Was he enjoying earth's simple pleasures because he was going to blow it up? Was that it? Was he planning destruction? The puppy stopped at Dib's leg and gave it a sniff. Dib looked down at the canine and began ranting madly.   
  
"He's planning on destroying us all isn't he?! He's probably built a bomb or giant laser in space! We're all DOOMED!!! DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!"  
  
Dib's shouting frightened the puppy away.  
  
"Yes, run!" he called after it "Run for you liiiiiiife!"   
  
He took a breath to calm himself.  
  
"No, no, we mustn't jump to conclusions. We don't know for sure what he's got planned. We must keep composed, we must keep focused, we must... stop speaking in plural."   
  
  
  
Decoy approached the front door and opened it.  
  
"I'm home!" he yelled in cheerfully.  
  
"Yippee!" GIR shouted enthusiastically, plowing Decoy over with a hug as he entered the house. The two rolled on the floor laughing.   
  
  
  
Dib approached the house cautiously, taking another calming breath.  
  
"Ok," he said to no one "Now is the moment of truth. Now is when I find out Zim's true plan."   
  
He mounted the fence that surrounded Zim's fortress and balanced his way along top of it. He dare not take the pathway to the window, the gnomes may be watching. He got to the side of the house and carefully peered inside hoping he wouldn't be seen. He saw Zim rolling on the floor with his green doggy thing. What were they doing? Some kind of strange alien ritual?  
  
  
Decoy jumped on GIR and rubbed the IRU's belly. GIR giggled at the tickling and waved his arms above his head as he lay on the floor. A shadow slowly loomed over the two robots and their happy scene.   
  
"You're five minutes late." Scolded Zim scowling.  
  
"I stopped to smell some roses." Decoy answered getting up to his feet.  
  
  
  
Dib gasped,  
"Two Zims? He stared in disbelief "There are TWO ZIMS!?"   
  
  
"Never mind why, I don't like tardiness. Zim said, displeased with his copy's excuse. "Report today's events at school."  
  
"Today we reviewed our vocabulary, we learned multiplying with decimals in math, and I played on the swings."  
  
"And the swings are important why?" Zim inquired.   
  
"The swings are fun." Decoy grinned broadly "I was swinging with Billy and Mary and then I went on the seesaw with Melvin, and I also played on the monkey bars and then I played tag with..."  
  
"Enough!" Zim interrupted "I made you to gather important information, not to waste your scanning circuits on gallivanting around playing insipid games with the humans."  
  
"But you programmed me to interact with the humans." Decoy protested.  
  
"Yes, yes," Zim sighed, "perhaps I was being too vague when I said that." He walked behind the decoy and opened its utility pack pushing a button. Decoy fell limp and hunched over in a state of deactivation as Zim opened the hatch in its back displaying its complex circuits and wires.  
  
  
  
"A Robot" Dib gasped "So that's it. It makes perfect sense now."  
  
  
Zim inspected the robot's innards for any loose connections that may have contributed to Decoy's interest in playtime. Everything appeared to be in order. He closed the hatch and lifted the android over his shoulder heading for the kitchen.  
  
"GIR, I'm going to run a diagnostic on the decoy." He said, then stuffed the doppelganger headfirst into the toilet. "You go watch your cartoons or something and don't bother me until I'm done." He gave the chain a tug and watched the robot flush down to the lab, then he hoped into the porcelain transporter and followed it.   
  
  
  
  
"So Zim thinks he can fool everyone by sending that robot to school for him." Dib sneered to himself as the scene inside ended. "Well he's not going to get away with it much longer. I now have the perfect plan to use that robot against him and he won't have a clue until it's too late and he's an exhibit in area 51." He laughed evilly, "I'm such a genius." He hopped from his perch on the fence and ran home to begin his brilliant scheme.   
  
*****^^^^^^*******^^^^^^^*******  
  
All the children who walked to school or whose buses had come early were gathered in front of the school building waiting for the first bell. Decoy entered the field and stared longingly at the groups of children playing with each other. He wanted to join them but his new protocol ordered him to not speak to or interact with them unless it involved gaining information.  
  
A shadow formed behind him getting closer until it covered his back.  
  
"Hey there 'ZIM'!" Dib said cockily.   
  
Decoy turned smiling. He may have not been able to address the other children directly, but that didn't mean he couldn't talk to them if they addressed him first.  
  
"Hi!" he said joyfully. Dib inspected the smile; there was no doubt that this was the robot Zim, the smile gave it away.  
  
"I'd like to have a word with you." Dib said leading Decoy away to a secluded section of the playground. "Over here."  
  
"What do you wanna talk about?" the robot alien inquired.  
  
"I want you to do me a favor." Dib smirked. The robot was totally oblivious to the threat. He was almost surprised that Zim hadn't program it to avoid him.   
  
"What kind of favor?"  
  
"I want you to run an errand for me."  
Dib walked behind the decoy and opened its utility pack pushing the same button as Zim had the day before.  
  
Decoy bent over closing his eyes staying in that position, de-active as Dib opened his back hatch. Peering inside at the organized array of wires and circuits, the earth boy grinned with menace and self- esteem as he retrieved a small disk from his trench coat pocket.  
  



	7. Malfuntions

Decoy walked home same as always, eager to report his daily findings to his master. He recalled an entire days worth of information that would surely please his maker, although a small chunk of that morning had gone missing from his memory. He disregarded it though; if he couldn't remember what had happened it probably wasn't important.   
  
Deep inside his circuits, unbeknown to him, was the cause of his minimal amnesia. A small gray disk hastily attached to his visual receptors with nimble human fingers.  
  
Completely unaware of the addition Dib had made to his hardware, Decoy returned home greeting Zim with a smile.  
  
"At least you're on time today." The alien muttered "Report your findings."  
  
"Sir, yes sir," Decoy shouted saluting "Today Ms. Bitters made us read the next chapter in our English text..." His eyes suddenly flashed, his arm dropped down, "It was a fun story about a bunny that almost got cooked into a pie..."  
  
Zim stared, thrown off by Decoy's suddenly relaxing his stance and focus on the nonsensical and unimportant story plot. He hadn't noticed the flash from the robot's eyes since he had turned his attention away for a split second to glance at GIR whom had just run by.   
  
"The lesson Decoy," Zim said slightly annoyed "Report the IMPORTANT data."  
  
"Yes, Sir" The android continued, "we had to review for our spelling test tomorrow..." another flash from the eyes, "Supercalafragilisticexpieledosious!"   
  
"Was that one of the words?" Zim cocked his eye.   
  
Decoy looked around and shrugged.  
  
"Idunno"   
  
Again Zim hadn't seen the flash, he was hanging his head in thought at the moment.  
  
"You don't know? You're supposed to know." Zim shouted "You're the one that's been going to school, not me"  
  
"Sorry" Decoy moped lowering his head.  
  
"I reprogrammed you last night so you wouldn't be distracted. All I want from you are the facts." Zim crossed his arms and angrily turned from the robot.  
  
"But I did get the facts," Decoy protested "Today in math we..." another flash Zim didn't see "...we drew pretty numbers." The android swooned batting his eyes girlishly.   
  
Zim turned back to his double. "Your report is faltering today" he paused to think "Perhaps you need more time to adjust to your new programming better."  
  
"Mmmmaaaayyyyyyyybe." Said the copy.  
  
Zim's hypothesis was wrong. He would have known this if he had noticed Decoy's momentarily flashing eyes. But the flashes occurred whenever he wasn't looking, which was because they were being controlled from a remote location many blocks away.  
  
^^^^+++^^^++^^++^^++^^+  
  
Dib sat in his room smiling joyfully at the screen of a laptop like device. He could see everything the decoy was seeing thanks to the camera disk he had connected to its visual circuits. It was almost too easy to install the disk, the robot's hardware wasn't that complex and besides he WAS a genius.   
  
"There's no way you can hide now Zim. By this time tomorrow your threat to humanity will be no more." Dib smugly said pushing a button on the laptop. A freeze frame of the action appeared on the screen. He was getting so many pictures of Zim there would be no way he would ever be doubted again about the alien's true identity. All he had to do was wait for Zim to send his duplicate to school tomorrow, he would remove the disk, get the pictures, and sent them to the government or "Mysterious Mysteries."   
  
"When I retrieve that disk tomorrow," he said confidently "There won't be a person alive who won't believe me!" He laughed a loud nerdy guffaw until he heard a loud knock on the wall.  
  
"Shut up Dib!" He could hear Gaz yell from the next room. He quieted himself and returned to watching. Every time Zim wasn't looking directly at the "camera" a picture would be taken.  
  
Nobody knew that each time a picture was taken the disk inside the decoy would spark. Inhabitability between earthling and Irken technology was causing short-circuiting inside the robot alien and each one of those short-circuits were becoming more intense.   
  
^^++^^++^^++^^++^^++  
  
"Any other information?" Zim asked, oblivious to any problems.  
  
"They served bread and gravy for lunch today." He paused "And I think I was supposed to do something for somebody..."  
  
Zim was quickly getting board with these childish responses.  
  
"Uh, that's enough for today," he disconnected Decoy's speech "I'll give you some time to let your new protocol sink in."   
  
"Yes sir!" Decoy saluted. His pupils suddenly shrank and his arm shot up raised straight in the air. He blinked a few times as his eyes returned to normal, looked at his still raised arm and wondered how it had gotten that way. Zim had already left the room and just missed seeing the spasm. The android duplicate remained paused, solitary in the middle of the living room until GIR, for no apparent reason at all, ran head on into its legs. The robots looked at each other, Decoy smiled.  
  
"Wanna go play Frisbee?"   
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
Zim was in his lab for the rest of the afternoon and into the early evening, doing his usual research and experiments. He had been slightly miffed by the decoy's report earlier but he was certain that since it had been ordered not to interact as much as before it was merely not getting the same amount of information as the previous days.   
  
What ever his train of thought had been on at the moment it was quickly disrupted by the sound of banging. Leaving his work to find the cause of this agitation Zim rose from the toilet to see Decoy repeatedly walk into the kitchen wall.   
  
"Decoy, what are you doing?" Zim asked.  
  
"Walking into the wall." Answered the double who collided with the barrier one last time before walking into the living room and sitting down less then five inches from the glowing TV.  
  
"And why were you walking into the wall?" Zim followed.  
  
"It was a commercial." Decoy replied not removing his glance from the television.   
  
"Oooo-kay" Zim said, "Maybe I should shut you down for the night." He reached over for the android's utility pack.   
  
"I don't like it when you shut me off!" Decoy snapped, pulling away and backing off.   
  
"I don't care what you think about it so don't argue with me." Zim demanded.   
  
"You never care about what I think." He counterpart whined "You only like to order me around."  
  
"You're a robot, you're supposed to take orders."  
  
"I don't wanna!"   
Decoy crossed his arms, pointing his face up defiantly.   
  
"What is with you Decoy?" Zim insisted "You're behaving so childish."  
  
"I can't help being who I am. Why can't you appreciate me?!"   
  
"What ARE you TALKING about?" Zim was now very confused. "You're acting completely INSANE!"   
  
"STOP YELLING AT MEEEEE!" Decoy gave Zim a quick shove, pushing the alien to the ground. Zim felt the impact of the floor to his side as he watched his doppelganger rush to the front door. "If you don't like me then maybe I shouldn't be here!"  
  
He ran outside into the cul-de-sac with a frightened angered pace. Gasping, Zim leapt to his feet running after his robot calling to it,  
  
"Where are you going? Come back here! Decoy come back here, I order you!!!"  
  
He didn't listen, he continued to run until he was completely out of sight. Zim stood at the doorway, without his disguise he could go no further. He could tell there was something obviously wrong with his invention, he needed to locate it before the problem could escalate.  
  
"GIR!" He shouted back into the house.  
  
"Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!"   
A faint squealing answered him. It grew louder as GIR came sliding into the living room riding on an upturned Frisbee. It glazed across the floor and skidded to a stop before Zim's feet, where the little info unit saluted.   
  
"GIR, the decoy unit has run away." Zim altered his partner.   
  
"Ooh, hope he brings me back something." GIR smiled, letting his tongue hang out between his metal lips.  
  
  
"This is a bad thing GIR, the decoy appears to be malfunctioning. Running loose in its current condition it may cause damage to property, people, itself, or even worse the mission."   
  
"Ohh, I hope he's wearing a helmet then." GIR said placing the Frisbee on his head like a fancy hat.  
  
Zim sighed with frustration,  
  
"Perhaps modeling the Decoy's info gathering matrix after yours wasn't one of my better ideas." He didn't want to dwell on how though, after all GIR was advanced according to the Tallest, and why would they lie?  
  
"Nope, I guess not." GIR agreed dancing around in his new 'hat'.   
  
"Suit up GIR," Zim commanded "We must locate the decoy post haste!"  
  
"Whoohooo! Treasure hunt!" The unit exclaimed and ran off to get his dog suit.   



	8. chase and recovery

Dib sauntered back into his room with a can of soda. He sipped it confidently, glancing at his laptop device, reveling in his genius. He had stopped using it a few hours ago believing he had enough pictures of Zim to host "Mysterious Mysteries." He left the screen on however to periodically look in on Zim, perhaps to indulge in the last time he would see the alien alive, organs intact. He looked at the screen and noticed Zim yelling at the decoy. There was no audio but he could tell by the little green man's expression and flailing gestures that he wasn't happy about something. Dib witnessed Decoy push Zim to the floor and rush out the door furiously with shock. Where was it going? It definitely didn't look like it was going on a mission.  
  
"What's it doing?" The boy asked the air "If that robot doesn't come to school tomorrow I won't be able to get the disk back. And Zim, if Zim finds it he'll check for malfunctions and find my disk, then he'll know I'm on to him and try to destroy me!" He shook off the dread of being destroyed and clenched his fists courageously   
  
"I have to find that robot first! The fate of the world depends on me!"   
  
He gathered the laptop and rushed down the stairs, trench coat billowing behind him. On his way out the door he dashed by his father's lab where Professor Membrane was working on something.   
  
"Dad, I'm going out for a little while." He shouted as he passed. "I have to find Zim's robot clone before he does."  
  
"Just don't stay out too late son," the professor called back "It's a school night."  
  
^^+++^^+++^+++^^++^+^+  
  
Zim stood in the middle of the cul-de-sac garbed in his secondary earth disguise; the old hobo with the ratty hat and coat.  
  
"Ok GIR, the decoy couldn't have gotten far. We can use your built in tracking skills to locate it."  
  
"I like playing hide and seek." GIR jumped  
  
"Go to it GIR!" Zim urged "Go find the decoy!"   
  
"Okey dokie!"   
  
GIR fired up his jets and zipped off zigging and zagging between houses and over head zinging past Zim every few seconds.   
  
"Is he over here? Maybe he's over here? Or here. Ooh he might be hiding here. This place looks good. Yoohoo Decoy are you over here? Maybe here. How about there? Ollie ollie oxen fee! Ooooooooohhh!!!"  
  
The flying robo-pup careened into Zim's chest knocking the two over to the ground. GIR looked up at Zim wagging his tail joyfully.   
  
"I found him! I found him! Master I found the Decoy!"  
  
Zim glared at GIR gritting his teeth at the tiny robot's misjudgment.   
  
"You found ME GIR!"   
  
"That's right!" GIR smiled, hid tail going a mile a minute "I found yooooooouuu."   
  
Zim pushed GIR off his chest and tried to explain,  
  
"No GIR, the decoy is wearing my other earth disguise. Find THAT one!"  
  
"Ooh, That one." GIR hopped to his feet and looked around, a blank look on his face. Zim sighed.  
  
"You have no idea where to look do you?"  
  
"Nope, not a clue."  
  
"I knew I should have put a tracing chip in that thing." Zim said berating himself. "But I didn't expect it to run away. It was only supposed to go to school and report to me when it..."  
  
He grunted, slapping his forehead.   
  
"The school! Of course! The decoy must be at the school GIR, it's the only other place it knows to go."  
  
"Eee! I get to see your school!" GIR squealed.  
  
"Come GIR we must hurry to the school, who knows what kind of havoc the decoy could be causing."   
  
^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^  
  
Bap, Bap, Bap...  
  
The thick rubber sounds hitting the ground rhythmically like a metronome's beat. Decoy stood alone on the basketball court in the shadows of the school at night, bouncing a big orange ball with one hand. He looked up at the basket, gripped the ball firmly in both hands and tossed it up. A perfect basket. The ball rolled back to his feet calmly. He picked it up and looked back at the basket. His scanner picked it up in cross hairs and calculated the proper shot. Another perfect basket and again the he picked up the ball. Suddenly sparks flew from his body; he gritted his teeth squinting one eye, pushing his hands tightly on the ball popping it. The fit stopped; Decoy looked at the deflated ball in his hands and tossed it aside, deciding to do something else.  
  
  
"There you are."  
  
Decoy spun around. Zim had his hands on his hips scowling with displeasure.   
  
"Do you know how worried you got me by running away like that?" he inquired.  
  
"Funny, you didn't seem to care when I was around." Decoy retorted, folding his arms spitefully.   
  
"Come home NOW Decoy!" Zim ordered.  
  
"NO! You hate me!"   
  
"Why would you think that?" Zim pursed his lips confused.  
  
"You don't want me to have any fun." Decoy sobbed "You reprogrammed me so I couldn't play with anyone. You don't want me to have any friends, you only want to order me around and send me to school so you don't have to go!" His back began to spark at the height of his fervor. "YOU'RE A BOSSY, LAZY, MEANIE PANTS!"  
  
Sparks flew violently from Decoy's body as he heaved his breath deeply and angrily. Zim put his arms out defensively easing his voice to a calming tone.  
  
"Now Decoy, you're malfunctioning. Come home and I can fix you."  
  
"I don't want you to fix me!" Decoy shouted, sparks subsiding. "I don't want you playing with my head. It's my head, MINE! You can't control me! I hate you! You're a bad father!"  
  
  
Zim lost his cool. Such insolence from his own creation unbridled his temper.   
  
"I have had ENOUGH of this nonsense! You will come home now! And I don't want to hear anymore of your spleen!"   
  
Now Zim was the one panting with rage. His emotion froze as his eyes widened staring at decoy, whose focus was now on a flock of birds that had gathered by the swing set.  
  
"Are you even listening to me?" The alien's voice wavered.  
  
"No, I'm not." The robot double answered calmly retaining his gaze on the birds.  
  
Zim readied himself to yell once again but held tongue upon hearing a thud from across the playground.   
  
It was a thud of someone falling, a thud that meant he wasn't the only one there.   
  



	9. custody battle

Dib approached the school as fast as he could. Before the laptop device had lost its visual contact with the decoy it had shown him the robot was at the playground. What it was doing there he would have to find out personally.  
  
Climbing up the long barbed-wire fence surrounding the school, the bespectacled boy searched for any sign of Zim's double. He saw it, standing by the basketball courts, alone. This was his chance to get the disk, but before he could act he heard a voice call out in the darkness.  
  
"There you are."   
  
It was Zim. The alien had gotten there first. Watching from afar, Dib could only hear voices in the shadows that quickly escalated into yells and shouts. If the boy had not been so worried about the fate of his disk and his own well being he may have found the sound of Zim yelling at himself comical.  
  
Leaning in to hear the argument better, he lost his footing and quickly tumbled to the ground with a thud, his body hitting the suspended end of a seesaw in the process.  
  
  
"Did you hear that?" Zim quickly turned to GIR.  
  
"Something went 'Ow thud'." GIR exclaimed.  
  
"There's somebody here. I'm going to check it out." Zim turned towards the origin of the sound. "Watch the decoy GIR, make sure he doesn't move."  
  
Zim ran off to where the noise had emanated leaving the two robots together. GIR stared up at Decoy who was still passively watching some pigeons peck the asphalt. The decoy suddenly turned his head to GIR.  
  
"Wanna go play on the jungle gym?"  
  
"Kay."  
  
^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_  
  
Dib struggled to get to his feet. His side and legs throbbing with pain from his fall. He quickly untangled himself from his trench coat as he heard footsteps approach.  
  
  
"Dib," Zim hissed upon seeing the boy "I should have known you would be involved in this somehow."  
  
Dib looked up ready to retort, getting a good look at Zim standing threateningly in the light provided by the dim and distant street lamps.  
  
"Zim?" he asked stifling back a light chuckle "Is that you?"  
  
"Yes it's me" the green one answered back slightly annoyed "who else could you think I was?"  
  
Dib stood up no longer able to hold back his laughter. The sight of Zim before him dressed in clothing he must have found in the trash and a badly attached false beard was too much.  
  
"You, you look... absolutely ... ridiculous!" Dib shouted between breaths and sniggers. "You look like a hobo! A circus midget! Where did you get that hat? A Dumpster?" He burst with heavy laughter "And those shoes, do you really think those make you look any taller?" He tried to catch his breath only to explode with further chortles falling to his knees "And don't get me started on that beard!"   
  
"Yeah it is pretty funny looking." Decoy chirped from his perch atop the jungle gym.  
  
  
Zim did a slow burn. His anger then erupted like a super nova.  
  
"Nobody asked you!" he spat with venom pointing at decoy. He turned back to Dib ready to squeeze the human's head off with his bare hands. "And you... you did something, didn't you? You know why my decoy unit is malfunctioning, DON'T YOU?"   
  
Dib calmed himself abruptly now that Zim's anger was present. He stood on his feet and tried to look confident.  
  
"Maybe I do. But it's not like your plan would have worked anyway. I could tell that thing wasn't you from the start." He said lying slightly. "It didn't even act like you."  
  
"So you meddled with it." Zim accused.  
  
"You think I did something," Dib stalled trying to shift himself to appear innocent. "Maybe your technology isn't as advanced as you think."   
  
Zim fumed,  
  
"My planet's technology is unparalleled! None is more superior!"   
  
Decoy balanced himself on top the jungle gym watching the action below half-mindedly. As he strode across a strait bar, arms out for equilibrium, his back sparked. His pupils shrank and his gate stopped in mid-pace, entire body paused. Gravity took the robot clone letting it fall to the ground landing on its side. GIR jumped off the jungle gym shouting with delight as he hit the ground headfirst. Decoy resumed movement and joined GIR laughing about their plummets. Dib gave Zim a confident glance.   
  
"None more superior in being stupid." He said with cocky boldness.   
  
"You dare call my invention stupid?" Zim snarled.   
  
"Well let's just say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree." Dib smiled.  
  
"Are you mocking me?" Zim shouted "It this mockery?!"   
  
Dib smirked walking right up to Zim.  
  
"No," he said "but this is." He took a firm grip on Zim's false beard and with a tight tug ripped it off. Zim howled in pain momentarily. Since a recent incident involving his disguises' tendency to fall off he had been using adhesive to keep parts of it on.  
  
Dib laughed again believing he had control of this situation.  
  
Zim growled. This human would not make him look like a fool. With a furious leap he threw himself onto the laughing child slashing with his pointed fingers. Caught by surprise, Dib tried to push the attacking alien off, gripping his wrists resistantly.   
  
"You mock me for the last time laughy boy. You shall know the power of Zim."  
  
Dib managed to roll Zim off his chest and pin him to the ground.  
  
"You'll have to do better then that to beat this human."  
  
Zim kicked Dib in the kneecap and tossed him aside. Regaining composure and his breath he got to his feet and stood over Dib who was attempting to do the same.  
  
"You and your entire miserable race will bow before me!"   
  
"How do you expect humans to obey you when you can't even control your decoy." Dib inquired getting up.  
  
"And I guess you still don't know anything about that." Zim replied sarcastically.  
  
"Must have been something you did." Dib smiled "it was acting doofy days before I installed that camera disk in its circuits."   
  
"So you DID meddle!" Zim yelled pointing at Dib, eyes slitting.   
  
"Uh oh," Dib squeaked, realizing he had just given away his plan.   
  
Zim advanced enraged and unpredictable. Dib withdrew step by step then blasted into a full run. No help running, he found himself on the ground again tackled by a raging flash of green. Time to fight.  
  
Fists flew; Dib managed to punch Zim in the shoulder. Zim retaliated with a blow to the chest. Rolling on the asphalt struggling with each other, the two seemed evenly matched, neither giving up until the other gave in. Kicks and punches and pushes and pulls. Hands around necks, knees into groins, teeth into flesh, brutal savagery.   
  
"Go master go!" GIR cheered from the side watching gleefully. "I love wrestling."  
  
Decoy watched as well, his face faltered with concern.  
  
"Why are they fighting? Fighting isn't nice."  
  
Dib knocked Zim with a fierce blow to the jaw.  
  
"Stop fighting."  
  
Zim pulled Dib's ear and elbowed him in the back of the head.  
  
"You're not supposed to fight on the playground."  
  
Decoy began to spark, his arms twirling around in their sockets wildly but going unnoticed. The fight consumed all attention.   
  
Dib smacked Zim's head into the pavement but received a fist to the nose.   
  
"Please, s-stop, stop fighting." The decoy flashed and sparked and stuttered, pleading with the warriors, speech slurring, body shaking.  
  
"You have t-t-to p-p-play nice."  
  
GIR looked up, Decoy was having some kind of fit, sparks popping all over his body, head twitching nervous ticks.  
  
"Are you ok?" The little dog bot asked.  
  
Decoy paused, focused straight ahead, eyes wide, expression absent. His voice was pitiful and warped.  
  
"This isn't fun anymore..."   
  
  
  
*KABOOM!!!*  
  
  
  
The earsplitting sound shook the schoolyard. A sudden ball of fire where the decoy had been standing, blinding gazing eyes. Pieces landed on the ground, a charred hand, a cracked eyeball, a metal leg warped and bent from the heat, a pitch wig still aflame, several shorted circuits, wires and shrapnel everywhere.  
  
The two feuding foes stared frozen in awe. The destruction scattered around them melted or burnt to a crisp. The last the to hit the ground was the decoy's utility pack. It rolled along its side with a rimming sound resembling a freshly lost hubcap on the highway until it landed to a clattering stop.   
  
  
"This is all your fault!" Both fighters shouted at once.  
  
"My fault?" Zim shrieked "It was your disk that made it malfunction."  
  
"Well you let it run away." Dib contested kicking some scrap in anger. "Nothing looks salvageable. Which means my disk is fried."   
  
Zim laughed,  
"And it was your disk that caused it to explode." He hummed a deep chuckle "ironically gratifying karma."  
  
Dib seethed, he HATED it when Zim was right.  
  
  
  
GIR whimpered at the debris. The figure that stood right next to him only seconds ago was now a scattered gathering of smoldering rubbish.   
  
"Master?" He lifted one of the busted robot arms. "Master are you ok?" No response "Say something. Speak to me." He shook it, tears welling in his eyes. "No, he's dead, NOOO!"   
  
GIR cried hysterically hugging the metal arm. Little tears running down his fuzzy green cheeks into sloppy puddles at his feet.  
  
Zim rolled his eyes, it was a pathetic sight to see. He calmly came up to GIR from behind.   
  
"GIR" he said sternly.   
  
"Master?" GIR sniffled turning around "Oh no, you're a ghost."  
  
He cried loudly again, rubbing his head against Zim's leg.  
  
"I am not a ghost GIR." Zim replied.   
  
"But you 'sploded." The info unit held up the arm he was still holding.   
  
Zim sighed,  
"That was the decoy GIR, I am still very much alive."  
  
"Oh," more sniffles "Poor decoy, he was gonna show me how to hula hoop." He dropped the arm and looked hopefully up at his master, "will you teach me how to hula hoop?"  
  
"Just look at this mess," Zim stated changing the subject. "All the information the decoy gathered is lost."  
  
"Looks like you'll have to go back to learning about earth the old fashioned way." Dib said regaining smugness.   
  
"I don't need you to tell me that." Zim hissed looking over his shoulder as he bent to pick up his fallen belongings.   
  
"I'd love to stick around but I do need to get home. It IS a SCHOOL night after all." Dib smiled and turned to leave. As he walked away he decided to stab his nemesis on last time.  
  
"See you in school tomorrow Zim."   
  



	10. Epilogue

Zim opened the room and peered inside. It was dark and cluttered with different remnants of his mechanical endeavors on earth. His robot parents, the bio-mech he had once used to try to erase Dib's brain with, the pig shaped voot carrier that was bee defective, and many other failed attempts at using robots to further his mission.  
  
He sighed and tossed the remains of his decoy in with the rest of the scrap, then turned around to gaze at GIR who was at the moment chasing a rolling hula hoop through the room, giggling insanely.   
  
"Why do I have such bad luck with robots?" he asked himself as he shut the closet door and readied himself for another day of his mission.   
  
  
~THE END ~   
  



End file.
